Modern Etiquette: What Rules Still Exist? Tell us your thoughts to win a $75 Amazon gift card

    by   SheSpeaksTeam   

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Jul 10, 2019
351

"Dear Abby" was one of the original syndicated advice columns, appearing in over 1,200 newspapers and read by over 95 million people. Times have certainly changed since "Dear Abby" launched in 1956, but we are curious: are there still rules for common etiquette? And if so, what are they?

In the past few weeks, 5 burning questions have come up within the SheSpeaks Team. After much discussion, here are our best answers. Do you agree? Tell us what you think and you'll be entered to win a $75 Amazon gift card!

Are there any questions you'd love the answers to? Submit them and we'll include some of our favorites as future polls on our website!

Q 1. If you bring a dish to a get-together, is it appropriate to bring home the leftovers?

Not usually. Leftovers should be left for the host to enjoy. However, if there are a ton of leftovers and the host is truly insisting you take it, then take it. It's certainly not worth fighting over.

2. Is it rude to leave your cell phone on the table when dining with friends?

Yes, it's rude, but sometimes it has to be done. For example, if you are out without your kids, then it's ok to keep the phone out in case there is any issue at home. But don't take any calls or texts unless they are truly important. It's not fun to be at dinner with someone who cares more about their device than you.

3. If a single person is going in on a present with a couple who is married or dating, does the single person pay 50% and the couple pay 50% or does each individual person pay one-third?

If everyone knows the recipient equally, than everyone pays equally. But if the partner in the couple doesn't know the recipient and is really just a guest, then 50-50 might be ok. Make sure to talk about it with each other before assuming the amount.

4. How do you get out of an annoying group text conversation without insulting everyone in it?

No one wants to hear constant phone beeping when they're not interested in the chat. If there's a chance that the discussion will end soon, then just silence your phone and ignore it. But if it looks like this chain might be permanent, then it's ok to beg out. Best to send a light-hearted text, something like, "Hey all, love this group but need to get away from the phone and actually pay attention to my children! Can you remove me from the chat? Thx!"

5. Are thank you notes necessary? Do they always have to be hand-written?

Everyone appreciates a thank-you but there are varying degrees of how it needs to be said. If your friend buys you a drink for your bithday, sending a thank-you text afterwards is perfect. But if you receive more meaningful gifts, like at your wedding, graduation party or baby shower, than, yes, we still believe that hand-written notes are ideal. Email is ok for informal events if it is truly personalized. If someone spent time picking out a thoughtful (or expensive) gift for your new baby, they deserve something more than a group email saying, "Thanks for coming to my shower! Loved your gift!" 

What do you think? What questions do you have? Enter for the chance to win a $75 Amazon gift card!

#SheSpeaksEtiquette Giveaway

*One lucky contestant will be chosen at random to receive a $75 Amazon gift card. Giveaway is open through July 28th, 2019 to U.S. residents at least 18 years of age. Entrants must be a member of SheSpeaks. If you are not a member, click here to join. Winner will be notified by email.

Update: Thanks to all who entered! Congrats to our winner, SheSpeaks member beaniebaby70.

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by Spttrsn43 | MEBANE, NC
Jul 11, 2019

I agree with all of these

by nicewoman | Dunmore, PA
Jul 11, 2019

I agree with all.

by superwomannc | Cocoa, FL
Jul 11, 2019

I wish Dear Abby (or a comparable predecessor) was still around! All 5 of these questionable circumstances are very relevant to the current technologic world that we live in today. I agree with the way that each of these were answered. In addition, I would like to recommend that when bringing a dish to share; simply purchase a reusable container to give to the host/hostess so that you don't have to collect it and they can have the leftovers without feeling guilty for keeping your dish! :)

by lilannie | WEST PALM BCH, FL
Jul 11, 2019

Right on point! I agree.

by sixfortheroad | FREDERICK, MD
Jul 11, 2019

I agree with a lot of the above rules, I try to politely remove myself from group chats when I don't want the notifications

by rkosully | DOTHAN, AL
Jul 11, 2019

If somebody takes the time to mail me a gift, I absolutely take the time to mail them a hand-written thank-you note. If gifts are exchanged in person, I sometimes think it's acceptable to express gratitude in person or reiterate appreciation via email later.

by tjs68111 | SPOTTSVILLE, KY
Jul 11, 2019

I absolutely agree with all of these answers! Especially the one about the phone!!! Drives me crazy when ppl stay on there phone at dinner!

by taletreader | Hickory, NC
Jul 11, 2019

Having your phone out while at a restaurant is one of my pet peeves. I feel like dining together should be intimate and we should be having conversations while at it. If you're looking at your phone, even for a second--just to see if you have a notification--seems rude and unnecessary because it's as though you're bored of me or want to be somewhere else.

by Eureka00 | Denver, PA
Jul 11, 2019

I agree with #2. I've had people who just wouldn't put their phones down while dining with them and it was super rude.

by Cat2946 | Gouverneur, NY
Jul 11, 2019

I too agree with all of these! Especially the handwritten thank you notes, I am huge on making sure my children always write them!

by jpicker | WHITE PLAINS, NY
Jul 11, 2019

Handwritten thank you notes are sweet but they date you. In this day and age and email is find. Evite even helps you generate and personalize thank you notes. Handwritten means it will be late also....snail mail is never preferred.

by artistic | Gulfport, MS
Jul 11, 2019

I agree with all of these and thank you notes are important.

by gakusan | Newburgh, NY
Jul 11, 2019

As for taking the stuff you brought back home - I felt offended and hurt once being told to do so and they were mostly untouched.. It would have been better if the host took them all or distribute them to each person to take home. You take time and energy to make something for someone and I personally think the host's receiving my thoughts with them and I felt like they were rejected.

by kellil | WARSAW, NY
Jul 11, 2019

I agree with all but taking my leftover home. I always do that, but I do offer the host some before I take them .

by quackers50 | Athens, NY
Jul 11, 2019

I hate people having a cell phone out when dining. Keep it on vibrate and out of sight. So annoying.

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