Modern Etiquette: What Rules Still Exist? Tell us your thoughts to win a $75 Amazon gift card
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Jul 10, 2019
"Dear Abby" was one of the original syndicated advice columns, appearing in over 1,200 newspapers and read by over 95 million people. Times have certainly changed since "Dear Abby" launched in 1956, but we are curious: are there still rules for common etiquette? And if so, what are they?
In the past few weeks, 5 burning questions have come up within the SheSpeaks Team. After much discussion, here are our best answers. Do you agree? Tell us what you think and you'll be entered to win a $75 Amazon gift card!
Are there any questions you'd love the answers to? Submit them and we'll include some of our favorites as future polls on our website!
Q 1. If you bring a dish to a get-together, is it appropriate to bring home the leftovers?
Not usually. Leftovers should be left for the host to enjoy. However, if there are a ton of leftovers and the host is truly insisting you take it, then take it. It's certainly not worth fighting over.
2. Is it rude to leave your cell phone on the table when dining with friends?
Yes, it's rude, but sometimes it has to be done. For example, if you are out without your kids, then it's ok to keep the phone out in case there is any issue at home. But don't take any calls or texts unless they are truly important. It's not fun to be at dinner with someone who cares more about their device than you.
3. If a single person is going in on a present with a couple who is married or dating, does the single person pay 50% and the couple pay 50% or does each individual person pay one-third?
If everyone knows the recipient equally, than everyone pays equally. But if the partner in the couple doesn't know the recipient and is really just a guest, then 50-50 might be ok. Make sure to talk about it with each other before assuming the amount.
4. How do you get out of an annoying group text conversation without insulting everyone in it?
No one wants to hear constant phone beeping when they're not interested in the chat. If there's a chance that the discussion will end soon, then just silence your phone and ignore it. But if it looks like this chain might be permanent, then it's ok to beg out. Best to send a light-hearted text, something like, "Hey all, love this group but need to get away from the phone and actually pay attention to my children! Can you remove me from the chat? Thx!"
5. Are thank you notes necessary? Do they always have to be hand-written?
Everyone appreciates a thank-you but there are varying degrees of how it needs to be said. If your friend buys you a drink for your bithday, sending a thank-you text afterwards is perfect. But if you receive more meaningful gifts, like at your wedding, graduation party or baby shower, than, yes, we still believe that hand-written notes are ideal. Email is ok for informal events if it is truly personalized. If someone spent time picking out a thoughtful (or expensive) gift for your new baby, they deserve something more than a group email saying, "Thanks for coming to my shower! Loved your gift!"
What do you think? What questions do you have? Enter for the chance to win a $75 Amazon gift card!
*One lucky contestant will be chosen at random to receive a $75 Amazon gift card. Giveaway is open through July 28th, 2019 to U.S. residents at least 18 years of age. Entrants must be a member of SheSpeaks. If you are not a member, click here to join. Winner will be notified by email.
Update: Thanks to all who entered! Congrats to our winner, SheSpeaks member beaniebaby70.
Make a Comment
by ladyp3 | CARTERSVILLE, GA
I agree with all of these. I'm old school as well!
by Rachelcorona11 | San Diego, CA
Personally I just ignore them I do think it is rude I just don't like group chatting so impersonal
by Rachelcorona11 | San Diego, CA
Personally I just ignore them I do think it is rude I just don't like group chatting so impersonal
by ChrisShields | MONROVIA, IN
Thank you notes are a lost etiquette. I wish people realized how important they are. Not only to thank that person but acknowledgement of a gift received if it was an event where gifts weren't opened in front of the giver.
by Marcela | COLUMBIA, MD
Not having phones when you are with friends is something we should all do. I know there are kids in many families, but our parents managed to raise us without phones!
by koolaidamber | MAYO, FL
1. I do think it's appropriate to bring home the leftovers especially if I brought the dish in something not disposable. 2. I personally don't think it's rude to leave the cell phone on the table but I do think it's rude to be on it constantly and not really engaging with everyone because they are on their phone. 3. I think it should be equal for everyone. No one paying more than the other...regardless if they are a couple or not. 4. Make some kind of quick comment letting everyone know that you read whatever the message then exit yourself out of the group. 5. I don't think thank you notes are necessary for everything but big things like baby shower, wedding gifts, graduation gifts I do think require it.
by Loen210 | BELMONT, MA
Agree w/ many of them. Esp. group texts. I get them the most on Facebook, but luckily can just silently get exit from them. ;) Happens the most when an individual you don't even know that much decide to put you in a big group, but I feel better as I see people dropping out of it quickly, so do not feel as guilty. For leftovers, I think it is always nice to leave leftovers, if the hosts can enjoy.
by VickiCoffey | Gilbert, AZ
I agree with all EXCEPT-if you receive a present, I feel it is proper to hand write a thank you note! ESPECIALLY if the gift is from an older person that is not tech savvy. Texts are so impersonal when it comes to things like thank you's.
by payjjw | Douglasville, GA
I definitely agree with sending thank you notes; however, it seems to me most people no longer do this. As far as taking home leftover food from a dinner - usually people ask other attendees if they would like some of the leftovers. So, often all leftovers are taken by other people. Everyone I know seems to like distributing leftovers this way.
by gigi62 | TAMARAC, FL
If I am taking a dish to get together I try to take in something that I do not need back. Like cookies in a tray from the dollar store or baked ziti in a foil pan, i will double up on the pans for transporting,
by EmilyFolkers | RANCHO MIRAGE, CA
Thank you notes and cards are still a must! It shows them that you took the time to thank them for any kindness they might have done for you. Having you phone at the dinner table is rude in my book. Are you taking the time to focus fully on what your dinner mates are talking about? Are you being considerate of their feelings? If you answered no, then you should probably put the phone away😉 For leftovers, ask if they host want it. I always bring a backup plastic container in my purse (I have a large purse🙈) to put leftovers in for my host, so I can take back my platter. Would rather have them have a plastic tuberware then my big platters!
by rushelle | parma, OH
no cell phones at dinner, i offer left overs to my host but they usually only take a portion.
by TSReed | CHAMBLEE, GA
I observe all of these and wish more people followed them.
by leona1219 | MOUNT HOLLY, NJ
Agree 100%!
by nickelet11 | ROSWELL, GA
Thank you notes are always a nice gesture!
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