Modern Etiquette: What Rules Still Exist? Tell us your thoughts to win a $75 Amazon gift card
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Jul 10, 2019
"Dear Abby" was one of the original syndicated advice columns, appearing in over 1,200 newspapers and read by over 95 million people. Times have certainly changed since "Dear Abby" launched in 1956, but we are curious: are there still rules for common etiquette? And if so, what are they?
In the past few weeks, 5 burning questions have come up within the SheSpeaks Team. After much discussion, here are our best answers. Do you agree? Tell us what you think and you'll be entered to win a $75 Amazon gift card!
Are there any questions you'd love the answers to? Submit them and we'll include some of our favorites as future polls on our website!
Q 1. If you bring a dish to a get-together, is it appropriate to bring home the leftovers?
Not usually. Leftovers should be left for the host to enjoy. However, if there are a ton of leftovers and the host is truly insisting you take it, then take it. It's certainly not worth fighting over.
2. Is it rude to leave your cell phone on the table when dining with friends?
Yes, it's rude, but sometimes it has to be done. For example, if you are out without your kids, then it's ok to keep the phone out in case there is any issue at home. But don't take any calls or texts unless they are truly important. It's not fun to be at dinner with someone who cares more about their device than you.
3. If a single person is going in on a present with a couple who is married or dating, does the single person pay 50% and the couple pay 50% or does each individual person pay one-third?
If everyone knows the recipient equally, than everyone pays equally. But if the partner in the couple doesn't know the recipient and is really just a guest, then 50-50 might be ok. Make sure to talk about it with each other before assuming the amount.
4. How do you get out of an annoying group text conversation without insulting everyone in it?
No one wants to hear constant phone beeping when they're not interested in the chat. If there's a chance that the discussion will end soon, then just silence your phone and ignore it. But if it looks like this chain might be permanent, then it's ok to beg out. Best to send a light-hearted text, something like, "Hey all, love this group but need to get away from the phone and actually pay attention to my children! Can you remove me from the chat? Thx!"
5. Are thank you notes necessary? Do they always have to be hand-written?
Everyone appreciates a thank-you but there are varying degrees of how it needs to be said. If your friend buys you a drink for your bithday, sending a thank-you text afterwards is perfect. But if you receive more meaningful gifts, like at your wedding, graduation party or baby shower, than, yes, we still believe that hand-written notes are ideal. Email is ok for informal events if it is truly personalized. If someone spent time picking out a thoughtful (or expensive) gift for your new baby, they deserve something more than a group email saying, "Thanks for coming to my shower! Loved your gift!"
What do you think? What questions do you have? Enter for the chance to win a $75 Amazon gift card!
*One lucky contestant will be chosen at random to receive a $75 Amazon gift card. Giveaway is open through July 28th, 2019 to U.S. residents at least 18 years of age. Entrants must be a member of SheSpeaks. If you are not a member, click here to join. Winner will be notified by email.
Update: Thanks to all who entered! Congrats to our winner, SheSpeaks member beaniebaby70.
Make a Comment
by bechug | COLORADO SPGS, CO
I've never heard that you should leave your leftovers with the host. I wonder how many times I've offended people over that!
by rychepet | WESTLAND, MI
I love to write thank you notes! Everyone loves to get mail that isn't junk. However, most people throw them away or recycle them after they read so it is eco-friendly to send via text or msg.
by tbolliecat | COLUMBUS, OH
I definitely think it is rude to have your phone out on the table at dinner as a general rule. I know there are times when it might be important to hear the phone (ie young kids at home with a babysitter) but those times should be kept to a minimum. Also, for the most part even if you need to be able to check your phone, you should be able to keep it in a pocket or a purse with either vibrate or the ringer on instead of right on the table.
by NanJac | Fraser, MI
I agree with all the above responses to the questions.
by sandramburns1959 | CONCORD, NC
I agree with these. Also, if you drive a distance to visit a friend, they should not be on the cell, unless an emergency.
by mrenda | COLUMBUS, OH
Raising 3 grandchildren I have had to answer my phone and leave because one of the children were sick so I do understand this now, however before we had the grandchildren I didn't.
by Spoiledkitty29 | Shelby Township , MI
My kid's friends are shocked at our no phones during meal time rule - on more than one occasion they've taken a friend's phone away and put it in the basket. I agree with all these!
by moo77hb | Kingsley, IA
I always offer to leave the leftovers but will take it home if no one else will eat it.
by jmartin2306 | Narrows, VA
One thing that I absolutely agree with is don't take food home after the party you were invited to unless the host keeps insisting.
by jehousel | GALENA, OH
I find that as a host and as a guest the first bringing a dish and leaving leftovers is no biggie one way or the other. Honestly I prefer you don't bring a dish and if you do then please take your leftovers home because I won't have room for them. I like to bring a dish to gatherings but often find the host/hostess also doesn't want the leftovers either. It's a space issue and often party food is less healthy so limiting what's left behind is a plus.
by PepsiDrinker | Warner Robins, GA
It bothers me that people are always talking on the cell phones in public. They do not seem to understand that it is rude, and that it bothers other people.
by nagroskopf | NORTH MANKATO, MN
I think that turning your cell phone on vibrate is important as no one wants to hear it go off constantly. It blows me away how many older people leave it on when they are the ones that have the "old school" beliefs.
by Kaydawl42 | Bangor, ME
I agree I think it varies from person to person everybody is different and sees things different but, that's what makes us all different. Our times have changed alot and cellphones are part of life. Technology has taken over lots of peoples lives it can be annoying at times but, say if somebody needs their phone because of work or being on call how can you really say they are rude what if they are on call.
by ffxgirl1 | FAIRFAX, VA
There's nothing wrong with bringing home leftovers if the host suggests it. Otherwise it's rude ! If someone keeps their phone on the table that's fine but only if they don't constantly look at it.
by Tweetymama1973 | BUFFALO, NY
I believe that thank you notes are still necessary weather hand written or store bought
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